When using drugs there are so many variables that can cause tragedy; which is why I ended up writing an entire book on the subject. However, in a re-examination of the many disaster-classes which I personally embarked upon, the most common denominator relates to dose: I frequently took far too much.
I am re-producing below an article which I recently posted on Substackregarding my own worst drug experiences. It was intended to be somewhat light-hearted in its delivery with the objective of serving the general message that a harm reduction process is essential, but the underlying thread, that I repeatedly failed to constrain my appetite, is hard to escape.
There’s an argument that almost any drug is relatively safe with a small enough dose, but equally, some drugs are far more prone to misfortune than others. Nutmeg and Salvinorin A are perhaps good examples: breaching threshold without falling into an abyss tends to be extremely difficult. Differentials in purity serves as another example of course.
With all this in mind I thought the article might be of interest here. In my own defence though, I will stress that I am far more stable and sensible now than I was then.
A couple of months ago I posted a list of my favourite drugs on social media. I was subsequently asked, quite a few times in fact, which were my LEAST favourite: basically which drugs induced the worst experiences. So here we are.
At the start of my journey, my harm reduction knowledge was no greater than that of the average reader of this article. This was to be an enormous learning curve, and the book is therefore littered with examples of what amounts to how not to do it. Indeed, one of the reasons I incorporated the experience reports was to illustrate the sort of human errors which are all too common.
The following summaries each provide a case in point. They are just half a dozen of those with which I made an absolute mess, and which produced a far from happy outcome.
For context, I should specify that I self-administered these over a period of 12-15 years. For most I was able to document and detail their effects whist I actually experienced them: either via written notes or by recording on my phone. This of course was not always possible, as I was sometimes too out of it, traumatized, or otherwise engaged.
Finally, I should also make some retrospective observations on what follows. The first debacle was absolutely due to the nature of the drug. The second (synthetics) was also partly due to its nature. The rest, and the others covered in the book, were largely due to my own ineptitude and complacency.
Let’s get on with it…
--
1. Nutmeg
This incident occurred many years ago: I was 21, ***** and (drug) naïve. I had read that nutmeg could induce a high, so just like that, I took the plunge. I count myself lucky to be alive. Delirium is not a trip; it is a nightmare. I was ill, dizzy, nauseous, head throbbing, hallucinating, and crawling on my hands and knees, for what seemed to be an eternity of hell. I didn’t recover for a week. The lesson: research whatever you are taking, and never touch this stuff. It’s poison.
2. 5f-AKB-48
During the early days of smoking synthetic cannabinoids I tested a newly released brand, Magic Dragon. No big deal: it a noid, so what could possibly go wrong? The answer was everything. This was miles removed from the original spice synthetic (JWH 0018), and even further removed from cannabis itself… something I realised as soon as the unmitigated dread and paranoia kicked in. I stumbled to bed and lay in foetal position, thinking that I had really done it this time, and hoping on hope for it to end soon. It seemed to go on for ever, but eventually it did indeed end.
3. Salvia Divinorum [Salvinorin A Extract]
This is undoubtedly on many people’s list, but for myself it was compounded by the fact that I thought it was just another synthetic cannabinoid. I inhaled deeply from the bong; and almost instantly reality vanished. I felt as if my soul was being sucked into the abyss and I had no idea what the hell was going on. I just wanted to escape the inferno and be my normal self again, as I desperately bargained for my life with what seemed to be a malevolent presence. I feared that I might be permanently brain damaged and that I might never recover. Embarrassingly, I was subsequently daft enough to believe that this was caused by shock, and repeated the exercise at a later date. It didn’t get any better.
4. 5-MeO-DALT
A fairly benign lightweight psychedelic isn’t usually the stuff of trauma, unless you exhibit a total lack of due care and attention. I weighed my 10mg dose on the scales, and up popped 0.10g on the display. Good to go, I swigged it down with water. Wait a minute… 0.10g? OMG: 100mg! Too late, because try as I might I couldn’t vomit. Terrified, I knew I had to ride it come what may. It was in fact fine, but the initial fear and panic was not something I would quickly forget. I was fortunate (very) that my incomprehensible mistake was made with this particular drug.
5. Pregabalin
I have no excuse for this one either. Somehow I convinced myself that 300mg would be fine, and that I could follow it up an hour later with a repeat dose. This is what happens when you are gullible enough to believe isolated forum posts and make assumptions about prescription medicines being safe. It delivered a sea-sick type inebriation which was absolutely horrible, and which lasted for hours. I was shaking, unable even to type, or even walk properly, and I felt so ill. It was only later that I discovered that people were actually dying from the use of this drug in rapidly increasing numbers.
6. Alcohol
There have been far too many occasions in my life upon which I have suffered the indignity of being ridiculously intoxicated, with a follow-up of appalling illness/vomiting/hangover on the following day or even days. From a harm and addiction perspective this is a terrible drug, but like most people, I had been conditioned to see its overuse as being completely normal. Fortunately, as I explored other psychoactive options I simultaneously began to see alcohol for what it was, and now I rarely use it.
--
In terms of challenging experiences, most of the others tended to revolve around biting off more than I could chew, with doses which were significantly too high (e.g. heroin, MDMA). Whilst these also had their own dramas, most of the above are more vividly etched in my memory because, not only were they horrendous, they were accompanied by shock: I didn’t see them coming at all.
The silver lining is that they added motivation for the writing of the book: I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through the same; and for some I was extremely lucky (whilst others might not be). The bottom line, as referenced above, is that I learned from them.
Please do the same and stay safe. You can download a free copy of the PDF version of the book itself from any of the cloud network links listed in the following page: [On BB here: https://bbgate.com/resources/the-drug-users-bible.3477/]
Remember that ignorance kills, education saves lives: say KNOW to drugs.
I am re-producing below an article which I recently posted on Substackregarding my own worst drug experiences. It was intended to be somewhat light-hearted in its delivery with the objective of serving the general message that a harm reduction process is essential, but the underlying thread, that I repeatedly failed to constrain my appetite, is hard to escape.
There’s an argument that almost any drug is relatively safe with a small enough dose, but equally, some drugs are far more prone to misfortune than others. Nutmeg and Salvinorin A are perhaps good examples: breaching threshold without falling into an abyss tends to be extremely difficult. Differentials in purity serves as another example of course.
With all this in mind I thought the article might be of interest here. In my own defence though, I will stress that I am far more stable and sensible now than I was then.
I Took 182 Drugs: But Which Was The Worst?
As the author of The Drug Users Bible, some people assume that in taking those 182 drugs I was always the epitome of safety and good practice. However, nothing could be further from the truth.A couple of months ago I posted a list of my favourite drugs on social media. I was subsequently asked, quite a few times in fact, which were my LEAST favourite: basically which drugs induced the worst experiences. So here we are.
At the start of my journey, my harm reduction knowledge was no greater than that of the average reader of this article. This was to be an enormous learning curve, and the book is therefore littered with examples of what amounts to how not to do it. Indeed, one of the reasons I incorporated the experience reports was to illustrate the sort of human errors which are all too common.
The following summaries each provide a case in point. They are just half a dozen of those with which I made an absolute mess, and which produced a far from happy outcome.
For context, I should specify that I self-administered these over a period of 12-15 years. For most I was able to document and detail their effects whist I actually experienced them: either via written notes or by recording on my phone. This of course was not always possible, as I was sometimes too out of it, traumatized, or otherwise engaged.
Finally, I should also make some retrospective observations on what follows. The first debacle was absolutely due to the nature of the drug. The second (synthetics) was also partly due to its nature. The rest, and the others covered in the book, were largely due to my own ineptitude and complacency.
Let’s get on with it…
--
1. Nutmeg
This incident occurred many years ago: I was 21, ***** and (drug) naïve. I had read that nutmeg could induce a high, so just like that, I took the plunge. I count myself lucky to be alive. Delirium is not a trip; it is a nightmare. I was ill, dizzy, nauseous, head throbbing, hallucinating, and crawling on my hands and knees, for what seemed to be an eternity of hell. I didn’t recover for a week. The lesson: research whatever you are taking, and never touch this stuff. It’s poison.
2. 5f-AKB-48
During the early days of smoking synthetic cannabinoids I tested a newly released brand, Magic Dragon. No big deal: it a noid, so what could possibly go wrong? The answer was everything. This was miles removed from the original spice synthetic (JWH 0018), and even further removed from cannabis itself… something I realised as soon as the unmitigated dread and paranoia kicked in. I stumbled to bed and lay in foetal position, thinking that I had really done it this time, and hoping on hope for it to end soon. It seemed to go on for ever, but eventually it did indeed end.
3. Salvia Divinorum [Salvinorin A Extract]
This is undoubtedly on many people’s list, but for myself it was compounded by the fact that I thought it was just another synthetic cannabinoid. I inhaled deeply from the bong; and almost instantly reality vanished. I felt as if my soul was being sucked into the abyss and I had no idea what the hell was going on. I just wanted to escape the inferno and be my normal self again, as I desperately bargained for my life with what seemed to be a malevolent presence. I feared that I might be permanently brain damaged and that I might never recover. Embarrassingly, I was subsequently daft enough to believe that this was caused by shock, and repeated the exercise at a later date. It didn’t get any better.
4. 5-MeO-DALT
A fairly benign lightweight psychedelic isn’t usually the stuff of trauma, unless you exhibit a total lack of due care and attention. I weighed my 10mg dose on the scales, and up popped 0.10g on the display. Good to go, I swigged it down with water. Wait a minute… 0.10g? OMG: 100mg! Too late, because try as I might I couldn’t vomit. Terrified, I knew I had to ride it come what may. It was in fact fine, but the initial fear and panic was not something I would quickly forget. I was fortunate (very) that my incomprehensible mistake was made with this particular drug.
5. Pregabalin
I have no excuse for this one either. Somehow I convinced myself that 300mg would be fine, and that I could follow it up an hour later with a repeat dose. This is what happens when you are gullible enough to believe isolated forum posts and make assumptions about prescription medicines being safe. It delivered a sea-sick type inebriation which was absolutely horrible, and which lasted for hours. I was shaking, unable even to type, or even walk properly, and I felt so ill. It was only later that I discovered that people were actually dying from the use of this drug in rapidly increasing numbers.
6. Alcohol
There have been far too many occasions in my life upon which I have suffered the indignity of being ridiculously intoxicated, with a follow-up of appalling illness/vomiting/hangover on the following day or even days. From a harm and addiction perspective this is a terrible drug, but like most people, I had been conditioned to see its overuse as being completely normal. Fortunately, as I explored other psychoactive options I simultaneously began to see alcohol for what it was, and now I rarely use it.
--
In terms of challenging experiences, most of the others tended to revolve around biting off more than I could chew, with doses which were significantly too high (e.g. heroin, MDMA). Whilst these also had their own dramas, most of the above are more vividly etched in my memory because, not only were they horrendous, they were accompanied by shock: I didn’t see them coming at all.
The silver lining is that they added motivation for the writing of the book: I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through the same; and for some I was extremely lucky (whilst others might not be). The bottom line, as referenced above, is that I learned from them.
Please do the same and stay safe. You can download a free copy of the PDF version of the book itself from any of the cloud network links listed in the following page: [On BB here: https://bbgate.com/resources/the-drug-users-bible.3477/]
Remember that ignorance kills, education saves lives: say KNOW to drugs.
